Numb
by niravive
Summary: Songfic set to Linkin Park's Numb. Rath thinks about the Dragon Tribe to someone special. Warnings: slight shonen ai hints, spoilers, language. Did I mention spoilers?


AN- Okay. First Dragon Knights fic, ever. SPOILERS WILL ABOUND!!! For all published English books, and some stuff I've read on-line, mostly at 

Go, worship how much time this person put into this.

Key- this is normal, 3rd person omniscient font

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this is song lyrics. I don't own. It's Numb by Linkin Park.

this is Rath's thoughts and internal dialogue

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I'm tired of being what you want me to be   
feeling so faithless   
lost under the surface  
I don't know what you're expecting of me  
put under the pressure   
of walking in your shoes 

[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]

every step that I take is another mistake to you 

I've been held under your thumbs so long, always acting the jester, going off to hunt demons with only myself and Crewger for company that I began to believe, like all of you, that that was all I was good for. You have such hopes for me, you bastard, and I hate you. Giving me this "Eden" to live in, following in the Dragon Lord's footsteps, not given a choice in matters. No matter what I do, especially when it's not what everyone sees as me, it's always wrong. I hate how you warped my life. I hate you. I hate the Dragon Tribe, but most of all, I _hate_ how you stole my anger, dampening it so I just feel numb.

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I've  
become so numb  
I can't feel you there  
become so tired  
so much more aware  
I'm becoming this  
all I want to do  
is be more like me  
and be less like you 

Now, even when I'm in your arms, my safe refuge from everything, I just feel the numbness. An overwhelming lack of everything. But the effort of holding my anger back, it's tiring. And with you always gone, the only time I feel alive is when I'm on the hunt. The visceral joy of killing. That's the only damn time I can _feel_. And I know this is killing me, and making me more like what the Tribe wants me to be, but I can't care as much anymore. When you were here, you at least let me forget what I was before.

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can't you see that you're smothering me  
holding too tightly   
afraid to lose control  
cause everything that you thought I would be  
has fallen apart right in front of you 

[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]

every step that I take is another mistake to you

[caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]

and every second I waste is more than I can take 

The most psychotic demon in Dusis, I once called myself. Now I'm the Tribe's little pet, to smother and control and pretend to like to keep the Fire Duel dragon Honou nearby and the ball. You need the Red Dragon Officer crystal. But can't you see, you're all smothering me, afraid that the psychotic demon is going to come out to play once more. Afraid that if you give me an inch, I'd take a mile. Yes, I would, only because I can't take this claustrophobic numbness that threatens to overwhelm me. I'm going crazier, and there's nothing you can do to stop me, even if you were ever near me. No matter what I do as me, it's just another mistake, and I need to escape before I break. You can't bind me to this tribe any longer.

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I've  
become so numb  
I can't feel you there  
become so tired  
so much more aware  
I'm becoming this  
all I want to do  
is be more like me  
and be less like you 

My fever's returned. Not that you'd care, you bastard. Leaving for months at a time with no word. I've gotten used to it, though. Not like complaining made any difference. Why the hell am I talking to someone in my head who's not there? Who's never been there? I'm just so tired… But I know I can't go back to the Dragon Castle, not after what I did to all of them. I can't be like them, I can never be something like them. I'm a demon, they're dragons. I'm different, and they never let me forget it. You did, in the beginning. Treated me like someone. That'd be why I fell for you. Not that it did me any good, trying to be who you wanted.

__

but I know  
I may end up failing too  
but I know  
you were just like me  
with someone disappointed in you

This road has never seemed so long. Not when I was first brought down it, a demon in a child's body, not the last time with Cesia. How ironic that the longest time down this road is when I'm riding and going the fastest. I might fail at this whole deal of being myself, but you can't comment. It must be better than pretending. Joining the Dragon Tribe after wandering to stay away from that family of yours. For someone who I've shared so many secrets with, you do an abysmal job at understanding me. Sure, you defend me, but inside, you're just as disappointed that I'm not you all's obedient little doll.

…I don't think I can stay awake any longer… The world's so grey… I suppose I should be worried, but the numbing fog is surrounding me, comforting me…

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I've  
become so numb  
I can't feel you there  
become so tired  
so much more aware  
I'm becoming this  
all I want to do  
is be more like me  
and be less like you 

He jumped as he saw a figure coming away from the Dragon Castle on one of the riding dragons. He started running when that figure collapsed off of it.

Sprinting, various scenarios played through his mind.

He slid to a stop beside the younger knight, pillowing his head on his lap. He looked worriedly down at Rath's sweating face. Shin's protection must be wearing thin at last.

He felt a tear come to his eye as he slipped his jacket around Rath, holding him close. "Princess, this _isn't_ what you said would happen!" he exclaimed to the air.

He pulled Rath onto the riding dragon in front of him and took off for the next town to find help before it was too late. He knew Rath too well to believe the boy would react well to waking up in the place he was running from.

As he rode, Kai-stern prayed.

AN- That's the end.

Yeah, you might've noticed how I use the Japanese dragon names. I think they sound cooler. Shin is Light Dragon, and Honou is Fire.

Please review. Please. Lemme know how I did. Any comments appreciated.

Disclaimer: I don't own Dragon Knights or the song. Non-profit throwing together of bishies in story form.


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